Way too much things inside my 24 yr. old mind...

Day after day...alone on the hill...

It's Tuesday, the year is half away gone... All the wishes of good vibrations, fortune, health and love seem to be going away far, and far away... With each day that passes, I feel like getting more confused, angry, and over all, lonely.

I am very aware that like me, there are millions of people, men and women, old and young, who feel the same as I am feeling right now... Temporary happiness always come and go in the shape of pleasures, and all that...

But, what can you do to face loneliness? What can you do to face those destroying thoughts inside you? What can you do to face all the fears of rejection, and the fear of being left alone, even if you're the most beautiful of swans?

I'd like to think that this things go away when you think and stay positive. Sure thing, yeah... so easy just like that, think that you're prince charming and you become it. I know better, what you think of yourself is what you ultimately became. I've been thinking a lot of things 'bout myself, good and bad things, and I know I am all of them. Sometimes I can't face my own honesty, but I have to do it, so I could learn from the mistakes I've made and I'll keep making.

But sometimes isn't that easy...

Sometimes the madness of the world we live in tries to suck it into a bitterness ocean... and that's what usually happens. It's quite amazing how our human nature could be so fragile, even while showcasing the most hard face in the outside...

Everyone wants to be with someone... I know. Someone who could just, give you a hand, a hug, a kiss, someone you could hold your hand and walk through the street as the sci-fi romance movie-thing.

But love's a fiction... Or maybe not.

I don't know what do love means, and I'm really sure no one does. Not even the ones who have a couple, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or whatever... Such things have done in the name of love, wars, kidnapping, suicide commitment, killing, my head just explodes thinking 'bout the ammount of things that taint the real meaning of love. Or what I think love is...

I really hate the notion of love this mad people gave to it. I really hate to think that if I love someone, I have to be strangled day and night, leaving away my dreams and hopes just to be with my "love"? Fuck it, I wont... I don't deny the idea of spending a whole day, and night with the woman I am in love with, but as I bet she will do, I have things to do, dreams to follow, stars to hunt.

I really hate the notion of love this mad people give it to it. I really hate to think that if I love someone, I have to play the fool from time to time, shut up a lot of things and swallow my own words, the truth inside my head, and all that. Where the fuck is honesty then? Maybe my pride will become my own poison, I'm really aware of it.

I really hate the notion of love this mad people give it to it. I really hate to think that if I love someone, I have to spend an awful lot of money trying to just, persuade her to love me... So, the expression of love itself, comes from how wealthy am I, may I ask? Maybe I'm just too angry to keep writting such things...

All I ever wanted... is a woman who could share thoughts with me
All I ever wanted... is to be Mars, and have as my woman the beautiful Venus.
All I ever wanted... is someone honest, who I will respect
All I ever wanted... is to choose the woman I'll love, for who she is, no matter if we aren't the same

But I guess, I fucking ask for too much... Maybe she doesn't exist.

I hope I am wrong.



Day after day ...alone on the hill
The man with the foolish grin is keeping perfectly still
But nobody wants to know him....They can see that he's just a fool
And he never gives an answer...

But the fool on the hill...Sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head...See the world spinning around