25 times 17

1984, a day like today, 25 Years Ago, I was born

I was born under funny circumstances. I'm gonna share you a bit of my personal history again...

At the time, my father was on some work in other city here in the country, he had a good salary, he could pay the food and all that with no problem back then. There were 4 people to care 'bout, my mom and my three sisters. Actually, 4, 'cause my mother was pregnant, at the time she got pregnant she was in her last year of college.

Unfortunately, she couldn't finish 'cause, I was on the way...

So, it was early in the morning in October 17. Mom was sleeping but suddenly this son of a bitch here (me) started his way to the outside world. According to my lovely mom, it was like 4 AM or something, which is the time I'm writting this note... My uncle Johnny and my grandma were here with her 'cause they were taking care of her 'cause as I told, my father was away working.

Fortunately they were here, I guess I owe 'em a lil' bit. My uncle took my mom and my grandmother into his car directly to the hospital. Now, this is funny 'cause at the time, 1984, there weren't so much hospitals nearby my house, I mean I don't live in the Elves forest (LOL) but, the only place where my mom could go at the moment was the Hospital del Seguro, which is the Social Security hospital of my country.

What's more odd is that, in the time, having babies in the hospital was not a regular practice, but certainly there were nurses, doctors, and all that who knew the necessary to bring a kid into the void, I mean, world... he he.

- Needless to say, I'm the first kid who was born in that hospital LOL, ha ha... -

There was one thing more. My mother and I were endangered, 'cause while she got pregnant she was 36 or something, and biologically talkin', a woman getting pregnant in that age is considered into a clinic case called "risky pregnancy" 'cause of the age factor I think.

Thankfully, both my mother and I survived, but we were sort of damaged. My mom had her uterus gone, 'cause she was bleeding way too much (Something I'm very sorry for 'cause I caused her that damage) and, well me, I was born with some weird heart disease, which seems to be gone nowadays.

The days I'm feeling like hell 'cause of many reasons I always tell myself that I was born for a reason. Thousands of times I've read similar stories, and either, the mother or the baby die...

Maybe it's a lie I like to believe, maybe not... 'cause, you know, I could feel like completely useless, sad, depressed, whatever you want to call it, but at the same time I feel alive. I breathe, I see, I touch. I'm alive...

My birthdays always seem so odd. The first time I had a birthday party I was 1. I have no clue why parents bother to throw a party 'cause a kid that age doesn't remember anything at all. But what I do remember is my 5th birthday, boy, that was amazing. Gifts, food, the birthday cake, the family gathered, nothing could beat that day... October 17, 1989.

I was a happy kid back then, but things changed since someone unwanted arrived to my house (The things people do in the name of "charity", dear God...) and then I started to see everything in its truest colours.... My birthdays since then weren't that colourful... And it's pretty much scary 'cause, I even see the difference in the pictures took... one year before I had a big goddamn smile... and one year after, I had the most emptiest eyes ever...

So much things for an 8 year old kid, isn't it?

But thankfully, music came to my life, otherwise I'll be one of those people who go nuts and start killing people trying to seek revenge. Or maybe I'll be in jail, I don't know...

While I had 17 on 17, it was kinda odd. That was somehow the way I always wanted my birthday... Just me, and the sea, face to face... Well, sort of 'cause I had it during an spiritual retirement thing, together with my classmates, and they weren't certainly the people I wanted to hang 'round with... I just wanted to be on my own... like the wolf I believe I was... or I am. But nothing compares to stare at the sea, and hear the waves talk to you... giving you a calm breeze...

While I had 18... what a bummer. People I thought were my friends actually weren't, my mom spend the whole day gathering some food to have a lil' reunion with 'em, but just 2 of them showed that day, and I keep 'em gratefully on my memory 'cause of that solidarity act... maybe they felt sorry for me but anyways. I don't blame the ones who didn't show, I sort of understand 'em, hangin' with the "not popular" kid wasn't the best thing a teenager could do, you know because of the status and all that thing... Since that day I wanted this day for me only, I mean, just me and no one else.

Oh, and one of my sisters made up a cruel joke 'cause, I was in my room doing nothing, and in order to get me downstairs she said "Carlos, María José te busca". I sort of ran downstairs, but there was no one. My sister laughed like hell, and I gave her the finger.

For those who don't know (Everyone in fact) María José is the name of a girl I liked back then, a lot. She happened to be the niece of one of my neighbours, a good ol' lady called Yolanda, who we call Yoli.

One day she introduced me to her - I said one day in a joke way, "Ey miss, is it true that you have a very beautiful niece?" and she said "Yeah, you want to know her?" and I said "Sure, why not". Obviously, it was all a joke but one day she rang my door and told me "Hey, my niece is here to meet you" and I was like "What the... !?".

We used to talk a lot, through MSN and by the phone, but then we stopped doing so, maybe 'cause she realised I liked her, and she had boyfriend at the time, although sometimes she told me that she liked the way I was... Last time I saw her was like, 2 or 3 years ago, but I was sort of angry while I saw her... 'cause my ol' dog Clay was attacked by another dog, and I took my dog on my arms like wanting to destroy the motherfucker dog... and I was angry, really angry... she saw me and said something like "Oh what a nice dog...", looked at me and obviously recognised me, but I didn't, I was so pissed off, that I realised it was her late at night. She was still in my neighbour's house, but I was so stupid back then, that I just continued doing nothing. She looked so beautiful. But this is old news anyway...

While I had 21... Funny situation. I was doing some college work 'cause, at the time I had a very "funny" teacher who always wanted to break our goddamn ass by sending us loads of work, I mean it, LOADS of work... they seemed to be eternal! I was on a college classmate's house, with some other people also, and one of them, who happens to be my best friend nowadays, knew that I was having 21. I wanted to go unnoticed that day but somehow, my friend spread the word that I was having 21. And obviously, everyone came in and said "Happy Birthday". That was odd...

While I had 23... That day I started to hear the blues, by the hand of someone I admire greatly nowadays... John Lee Hooker. First song I heard was "It serves me right to suffer".



I spent the whole day outside my house, I wanted to be on my own, but I took my cellphone just in case my mom called me or someone else. And that's what happened, mom called and friends, and all that... it was quite cool 'cause we had this steak made and all my family (meaning, my mom, dad and my sisters) were together with me. That was really cool.

My best friend gave me a Jack Daniels' bottle, we drank it and I came back home totally burned up, ha ha... I had to keep playing Iron Maiden on my music player to stay awake during the bus ride... But it was really cool. :) Thanks bro! And one of my sisters gave me this funny lil' guitar... that she bought in her trip to Peru. Damn, I'll miss her today.

While I had 24... to be honest I don't remember anything 'bout that day...



Maybe, I'm not the man people want
Maybe, I'm a twisted soul...
Maybe, I'm the Island, I prove the philosopher wrong
But I'm me, and I always will..

25, and there's so much more...