Tired...

So hi again, unknown reader.

- The song "Crucify the Dead hits in" -


I don't know if you're a man or a woman, a boy or a girl in his teens.

Whoever reads this, I hope I won't turn you down with my thoughts. This journal is a personal record for me to Time-Travel through words sometimes, when I got a glimpse of inspiration, melancholy and I don't know, all other feelings that make you realise you're alive.

So, yesterday...

Had quite a hard and loud day. Went outside, just walkin' with two great fellas through the streets tryin' to find some good rock n' roll shirts for an upcoming concert we're gonna attend soon. The day was a whole trip, as we found ourselves rolling like stones through the streets, and while rolling we just got caught by someone who was in need. Man, that shit was so fucked up, the poor fella was without no money, I was even able to read the words Desperation in his face. Plus, the man didn't speak our native language (spanish) so I guess, it was kind of a bliss to find 3 fellas who actually speak english kind of fluently.

So we helped the bro in need and there weren't 3, but 4 of us rolling (for a short amount of time). I hope the man reached his point in capitol city. I realised (silently) that sometimes, our human nature leads us to act in communion, in some kind of brotherhood. Even if we have no clue who the fuck are we talking to.

We continued rolling, reached the music store. Got a guitar for one of us 3 rollin' stones (Well, we're not that awesome like Mick or Keef) and just got our shit together, and hit back to the streets to go to the airport. We reach the airport, after that each one takes distinct trips to each one's houses.

Up to this point, all was really goddamn cool. Whenever it is something related with music, man, I'm in. I don't give a fuck if it's something fancy or something really simple, I just love music so much that I'm eager to help people in any way possible to understand, and appreciate it as it deserves.

Lyin' down in one of my place's bedrooms...

I literally am sleeping, and things started to get like motherf'ckin dark...

It's kind of funny, but when you put your expectations on something, or someone, or some event, it is kind of a huge probability that it will fail. Don't get me wrong... I am a PRO "Believe In Yourself" believer. But, when it comes to other people's involvement, I started to not trust everyone.

Why?

Recently I've realised that people I thought were my friends, my brothers, people I could rely on, weren't

They just lied. I know I'm not the first neither the last person who has been told lies by his "friends", though.

But man, that sucks!

My dreams in their eyes seem stupid. Whether or not, they're related with music. And it fuckin' saddens me, angers me and dissapoints me. A big FUCK YOU pops in my head when I realise this kind of "liars" were people I thought my friends. Sucks big time...




- Like Ozzy says: "I'm just a dreamer, who dreams of better days..."

I don't wish this happens to any of ya's out there, whoever reads this. I wish, on the other hand you run with better luck with me. Each time, and each day I realise I wasn't born to be the nice guy, no matter how many times I work or try to change the disfunctional aspects of my psyche, they just won't go... Honestly I wish you have a great friend, that you hang out with 'em as long as you live, that you have a boyfriend, a girlfriend, I don't know... someone who could tell you "I'm here buddy" in the motherfuckin' toughest time...

Me?

I don't know what will be of me, honestly.

When I pick up a guitar, all things change. It doesn't matter if it's a new or an old guitar, my energy, my will to live, is present in my body. Guitar and music have become a really pivotal and central part of my life these days, and each year I grow older, it becomes more important than the previous year.

Yesterday I told a friend this kind of prophetic line:

"I know it's a fight against the tide, but that doesn't mean I have to hide"



 On the other hand...

Some things get really hard to handle as well. Just as you get older, there's pressure, the time ticks in your sleep, reminding you're not 18 anymore, that you've wasted too much time. I try to convince myself that it's never late to start something, to master something (I admit, it's something related with my "survivalism"). But all I see are empty walls, facing me in each direction I look. North, South, East and West. All walls, maybe in my head, maybe not.

It's so much to ask for some relief, for some light, for some unconditional love?

I am starting to believe it is...

All I got, is my guitar and my music... my only companions, my friends and enemies, the ones who have been there with me during the hardest years of my 25 of existance.


I want to go far away from all of this...

Far from this country, this continent.

And be alone within my thoughts... and forget everyone in this town.

- For sure, that doesn't mean I'll forget my family, and the few friends I've got. I'm just, tired...  -