Howl of the Steppenwolf

This feeling I long for
Overcomes any shade of toughness
I could ever display or fake

This feeling I long for
Is the reason I always feel solitude
It's fun to listen to other people
feel lonely because they don't have someone
hanging out in their halls

They yearn for what they thought was real
They yearn for miliseconds of pleasure, and company
They yearn for being someone's something
They yearn for denial, sacrifice, in despair.

Me, on the other hand...
Am always longing for a freedom call
And I know, it has the shape of a woman
A woman just as beautiful, and capable
soft tender skin, long black hair, eyes colored hazel.

But I keep being called stupid,
I keep being called superficial,
I guess I don't have the right to see beauty
To have a moment of peace, through my eyes and body

Well, I guess everyone else believe
They could fulfill and chase the dream
To see, touch, embrace beauty
in whatever shape it is
For them, this is not a sin, but a right given at birth

But for me, they say it's a non-sense.

I don't hear no one, just the inmortal voice in me.
And I understand, beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I've learned through trial and error to not rely
In my eyes, because they've deceived me so many times.

Mind and body being just one, my eyes see what yours hide

A letter to Ronnie James Dio

- Written on December 12, 2009. I just found this on my mail archives -

Hi Ronnie, my name's Carlos and I'm 25 years Old musician.


I'm writing to you from South America, Ecuador... near Colombia, one of the countries you were on tour with Heaven and Hell early this year. Although I haven't had the chance to see you here in my country, you (together with Iommi, and Geezer) are one of my musical heroes, in fact the first song I've heard of Sabbath was "Die Young". I was 18 at the time, about to play a Sabbath Classic (Iron Man), still remember it like it was yesterday...


A great friend of mine told me that you're with cancer. Man, that's quite a bummer... I mean, it's not fair for someone who's really commited into making great music to fall into some sort of weird disease like cancer. 


I sort of know how it is, I lost an auntie that I really loved because of that sickness, and it's sort of weird, 'cause you know the sickness is there but the only thing left is, let's say "pray" that goes away...


Which, I hope is the case, so all of us fans around the world who haven't had the chance to see you onstage, bringing the thunder with Geez and Tony, could see you rockin' like you were in the Olimpus man, haha... sorry if I sound way too much fantastic 'bout how I hear your voice, but that's how it is. I always tell my friends that Tony's riffs could rip the earth in two, and your voice sort of creates life again !


Anyway, I hope you get well soon, seriously, and in behalf of my friends who're fans of your music too, I salute you !


Greetings, have a great recovery.


With Much Respect and Admiration..


Carlos.


- Unfortunately, this message wasn't delivered and returned error. -

The Voice of the Soul...

Sometimes...

When you dream you see things you don't want to see

Your inner demons chase you through infinite streets

Her beauty and your friends turn your space into inmaculate horror

And you try to find shelter...from any kind of sorrow...

And Yet...

You don't feel desperate... or lonely

Like stars do, you keep yourself company

Inside your shell, Isolation leds you to hear the sea

That beautiful sound of freedom ... lives now in your ears...

I'm naked and fearless ...and my fear is naked.

If I let you, you would make me destroy myself...

In order to survive you, I must first survive myself...

I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you...

There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you...

I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain...

I will use my mistakes against you, there's no other choice...

I'm shameless now, I'm nameless now, I'm nothing now, I'm no one now...

But my soul must be iron 'cause my fear is naked...

I'm naked and fearless

...and my fear is naked.

(Written by Henry Rollins)

The power of words... And how they could change your life.

- To my brother, Christian.

Thank You.

Through my short life, I've read lots of books. Dostoievsky, Kipling, Defoe, Dumas, Green. Lots of authors, many different stories that I related with. Stories from people who were just like you, and me. Regular men and women who fought for making in their stories a better world.

I read my first book while I was 9 or 10, I don't remember very well. That book was fantastic, because since I have always had a vivid imagination, took me to a places I thought didn't exist, but existed after I read about them. That book was "Robinson Crusoe". It's a tale of a man who had to literally, start from zero to become one (let's put it that way). In other words, he had to rebuild and rethink himself. 

That tale had a deep impact on me, because as a kid, usually you go around trying to fit somewhere. And that particular book, taught me that every man should stand for his ground and create his own world, because that's what the natural thing is. I always had this "feeling" that I belonged nowhere, somehow I always thought of myself as some kind of misfit. I had friends, sure, I rode a bike around my neighborhood with them, but I didn't have what other fellas had, let's say, a true "friendship". I don't blame no one for that thou. 

I always had the personality of a loner, in fact I always felt identified with those kind of characters who walked through the world with no more companionship than themselves.

So anyway, Robinson Crusoe taught me that with a little imagination, and determination, a man could do anything he wanted, living anywhere he wanted as well. That was one of the first valuable lessons a book taught me. 

After all these years, I've came across a book a friend of mine wrote. I've read it twice, to make sure nothing escapes from my eyes. When I grab a book, I usually read it one time, but when it really grasps my attention, I gave it more than one read. This particular book, was really interesting. Not because it had stories of magicians, fantastic wizards or shit that doesn't exist. It was interesting, as I mentioned before, because it describes the story of a man who literally, struggles for making a better world for himself.

As a 26 year old man, you have some expectations, like being a professional, having a good time with everyone, having a perfect-10 girlfriend, having sex with as many women as possible, etc... Let's not forget that you also have to deal with your memories. Finally, you feel you have anything but at the end of the day, you realize you have nothing. 

While going through the pages of this book, it's quite impossible not to feel identified with the main character. The book portrays the story of a young man, in his late twenties (just like me) who at first, is literally a mess. It wasn't because of others. It was because of himself.

As his life continues, the main character understands that he's the sole architect of his own destiny. And starts changing some aspects of his life. Sometimes on his own, sometimes with help from other friends, and sometimes, with the valuable help of experience.

Towards the end of the book, the main character discovers that he, as many other people in this world, came here for a reason. And he starts walking towards that reason, that moment of clarity, of inner peace, and calm. Sure, it wasn't an easy road, but it was worth it.

What surprised me about this book, is that it brought me back to when I read my first book. While I finished reading Robinson Crusoe, I learned that being a man is a labor that requires courage and discipline. While I finished this book, I realised another valuable lifetime lesson. I realised that, the only thing that matters, in every day of our lives, is to be present. 

To be present is something hard... because, past tries to imprison us in its jaws, with no mercy, making us addicted to feel like victims. Yeah sure, we are victims, but we are victims of ourselves. But when you're present, nothing else matters than the minute you're just living, the minute you're just breathing, the minute your eyes blink. I could not imagine of a better sign of being alive, than being present.

Samurais had this motto: "The past lies among the ghosts, and the future remains untold. The present is what we know". And my friend's book, emphasized that. And I'm grateful for it.

Since I read my friend's book, I'm a bit more optimistic, less bitter, and I started to throw away all the useless memories I have in my head, like past non-corresponded loves, failures, things that prevented me to move on to the next stage. And I'm glad, that my friend's words, did this for me, as I'm sure will do for anyone who reads his book.

When you're present, you suffer less. 

When you're present, you free yourself from the ego chains.

When you're present, you're alive.

When you're present, you're in tune with yourself.

- My friend's book, by the way, is called "The Last Poem of Schetzzer". Here's the book website: http://www.schetzzer.com . Stay tuned, it will be released world-wide soon !

Circe

Los días y las noches, pasan...

El sol muere, cada vez que la tarde termina...

Las olas del mar... se encuentran agitadas...

En tus labios, encontraré refugio ante la gran tempestad?

Un viejo faro, sirve de guía

En medio de las turbulentas olas de la vida

Su luz, fuerte y débil al mismo tiempo, ilumina...

El tiempo transcurre, y con él, los segundos de vida...

Tan cerca y tan lejos, tus suaves manos no marchitan...

Las mías, buscan hacerse camino a través de las espinas...

Maldigo la ilusión de la cercanía, y la realidad de la distancia

Nuestros caminos, ahora se han separado, culpo a mi arrogancia.

La soledad, se vuelve compañía...

Cuando la oscuridad reemplaza a la luz del día...

Todo cobra significado a través de lo insignificante...

Todo cobra significado a través de lo inimaginable...

Los días y las noches, pasan...

El sol resucita, en cada amanecer...

Las olas del mar, se encuentran calmadas...

En tus ojos, encontraré un puerto en el cual descansar?

This is my first piece of poetry in spanish, my native language. A woman inspired me to write this... and I thought for a moment, I was Oddysseus.

A hermit's prayer that is actually, a New Year's letter...

Save this old soul, sacred lord of the skies

Sometimes I believe I can't take this anymore

Save this old soul, sacred lord of the skies

The devil in me tries to destroy all remnants of hope

I can't pray in a loud voice

Exhausted and beaten I feel

Words from strangers and friends, don't help me

And the woman I loved, she left...

The blues I felt, I know you've healed

I know it ain't nothing compared to the pain your dying son felt 

He even told me to carry my own cross, just like he did

But there's one little thing he forgot, I ain't him and he ain't me.

I've met death face to face before

First time I did, the same day I was born

The skeptical doctors rumored I'd come to this world dead

And it seems, I cheated death and inhaled fresh air...

It's been many years since that day...

The only feeling I thought I know was pain...

But there ain't nothing like being loved by the ones who were your family and friends

Although, I always remember my woman... keeps moving away...

I know Lord, you had mercy of many of your bastard sons, including me

If I sinned, like I admit now I did, set me free

But... If this is the destiny I made for myself

Make your hermit son stronger

Let me enjoy the things, I avoided.

I hope my words... reach you.