1. Meet and Greet all of my musical heroes. Well, at least the ones that are alive anyway...
2. Be the best guitar player I could be. Not meaning I will become the best of the world, no way... I used to think I could do such thing but later I realised that music ain't a competition, but a collaborative and learning process.
3. In the process of becoming the best guitar player I could be, find my own voicing, even if it means tuning (or better said, screwing) my guitar in other tunnings, to find a way to expand the language of guitar and create one that's totally mine.
4. To have a functional band that could make it in the great leagues in music.
5. To leave my homeland of Ecuador, and rewrite my own personal history.
6. To see my favourite bands play in concert... King Crimson, Black Sabbath, Radiohead, Tool, and a lot more :)
7. Understand more the human nature, specially the female nature... 'cause to me it remains a mistery.
8. As of females, to find this woman who could accept the goods and the bads and the neurotical things (specially because of music) in me. Or at least, meet some that could handle the way I look things, in constant crescendo maestoso - Or simply put, in an intense way -.
9. The most important, to make a living through what I love the most, Music.
10. To never give up on my dreams in the name of stability.
If there's anyone who read this, no matter if you're man or woman, think 'bout this (and answer here if you feel to do so)... What do you expect from life?
Save me, lord of the skies... This human soul can't take this anymore Save me, lord of the skies... The devil is destroying all my hopes
I wouldn't pray in a loud voice Exhausted and beaten I feel Words from friends and strangers don't seem to help And the woman I love hates me.
The blues I feel, I wish you could heal I know it ain't nothing compared to a mortal disease I know it ain't nothing compared to your dying son's agony Yeah, he told me to carry a cross as he did But he cheated death, for me that's an unknown trick.
I've met death face to face before, First time I did, the day I was born Doctors said I'd come to the world dead, But I cheated death too, and I breathed fresh air
It's been 25 years since that day And up to now, the only feelings I know are anger and pain Yeah, I'm loved by my family and friends But the woman I love, keeps going away
Hear me Lord, spare some mercy on me... If I sinned in the past, please set me free... But if this is the destiny I hand-made by myself... Then please, make your son stronger... Let me enjoy the things I could not...
It's somewhat Odd. Almost like a year ago I started this blog as a "music only" blog, and well yeah, I've shared some of my thoughts on the music I love (And I'm missing a lot of musicians and bands I deeply admire), but in time, the blog has became some sort of window to look at, a door which opens to let all my personal troubles go away in the shape of words...
I know bloggers expect to be read. Personally, I don't expect to be read, but if someone does and some sort of message gets through the words I'm typing out of my mind well, thanks.
I just felt the need to write right now, since I've been feeling deeply angry, and at the same time down. In contrast to how I felt before (down all the time) this isn't a good mix, to me at least... but anyway, it depends how you control the feelings of construction and destruction which are gathered in your head...
At this moment I should be doing my thesis document, but what the heck. I don't feel inspired at all to write something academic.
Let's say that I write a letter... but this letter has no receiver. Maybe it's you, or maybe it's me who read this... And I'm sorry if I write some harsh words... It's part of the beast I am...
Dear receiver...
More than ever I feel the need to get away from everything and everyone. More than ever I understand myself and my role in this world... More than ever I understand less the human race... More than ever I feel sorry, and at the same time... angry for the beast I discovered I have become through all this years of constant motion, fear, excesive vitality and passiveness.
Sometimes I feel confused, sometimes I feel like the inventor of the wheel. Through characters in front of my screen I've read an impressive ammount of things, where the most noticeable were unfortunately, lies. Lies that I seemed to follow as well, as part of the whole I am part of. And how ironic, I don't like lies...
Can I ask you something? (I hope you don't get offended thou...)
Have you ever felt so fucking stupid that you really, wished to not wake up in the next morning, to see again your face in the mirror? Have you ever felt so fucking angry with yourself for losing a significant chance of making your life less miserable, less boring, whatever you wanna call it... ?
In other words, have you ever felt so fucking angry with yourself because you finally noticed, after years of being clouded with a "truth", that you and yourself only, were the root of all evil and the bad things that happened to you.
How I wish reality was another, another like in the dreams I have, another like in the dreams I am walking free in the woods uncovering the veil from the girl I loved once... Another like in the dreams I am together with the girl I deeply like nowadays... in a dark room just the two of us. But the reality I seem to witness, every day, every night, every dawn and every sunset... is the end of the world as I know it, apocalyptic blasts of me fighting my demons, every day, everywhere...
But it isn't... And I deeply wish to change the parts of my mechanical mind that are wrong... seriously and honestly, but I have learned recently that, rather than changing things, I should accept them as they come, that's where freedom lies in.
What is stranger enough, is that behind this shelter of madness, psychosis and egocentrism, there is someone who realised the fragility of nature, the innocence of a baby, the loyalty of animals... the freedom a single musical note could give to a tortured soul just like mine...
I became an uncle last year. It feels really strange, I know I'm still 25, but on the other hand I feel that I should take care of that innocent creature that is part of my family at this moment. Egos and all my problems go away when I'm with her, just listening to the music I like... I totally forget how miserable I feel, how down I feel, how I feel 'cause the girl I like seems unreachable even though I know I have the guts to go straight to her and take no prisoners. Everything just fades away when I'm with my lil' baby niece...
All of sudden, yesterday... No, my troubles didn't seem so far away as Paul says. They are still there... Damn, now I have this odd feeling of wanting to rip my eyes off just to not see this woman I like... I sincerely like her... When I see her it's like ... hearing the best song you could imagine.
What is odd is that yesterday, while I was talkin' with a friend 'bout songs that I really am into, I started to play the song "Where Did you Sleep last Night" - Nirvana's rendition of Leadbelly's - and, the girl appeared, and left. All of sudden, while the song was 'bout to end, the girl appeared, and left.
My girl... My girl... where will you go? I'm going... where the cold... wind blows...
And sometimes I remember how I met her... It seems like yesterday, but it was in August...
Taking the inspiration from the News Section, I'd like to say some things 'bout 2009...both the good and the bad ones that have happened so far to your humble narrator. 2009 represented quite a challenge.
- STATE OF NOTICE. All the good and the bad things that happened, have only one direct responsable... and ladies and gentleman that's me. In order to learn to be more humble I have to accept the things I have to face. -
Every new year is a challenge, but 2009 to me was the ultimate one, for some reasons.
2009 was the year that I turned 25. Yes, 25 years old... and I must say, I felt scarified the day I had my 25th birthday, for reasons only known by my closer friends... I still am scarified, but this year I've have to have the guts to face myself and my demons...
It was the year I had to face some things, like the fact that it was going to be my last year in college. Not that it is a bad thing (In fact I find it pretty cool)... but the thesis time was 'bout to arrive.
It was the year that gave me the chance to work for the first time (well, unpaid but so what, I learned a lot from the experience)... and know that as soon as you're a newbie, and young, some people would try to fuck you up :), thankfully I was born with the eye of the tiger, for good or for bad :D.
I could say I met some great people there, and they sure have a place in my thoughts. Seriously, I hope to get to work there, but this time being paid :)...
This year I also forged some new friendships. Really good ones, I must say... and those would end up being in co-working in my final thesis work. And by the same chance, this friendship also brought the chance to perform for the first time my music, and that's quite something... :)
Speaking of people, I've met some good-lookin' ladies, and under funny circumstances. One of them worked in the same place I was, and the funny thing is that, she introduced herself, while I was like "Damn did this happened?". Yeah, some of you would be laughin' your asses off, so do I rite now! She happened to be older than me, but boy... what a woman... :)
Another lady I met ... well I was away to send some stuff to my friend who lives in California. I have this weird thing of looking everything in every place I step in, I don't know, maybe it's my ego or something, but well I was lookin' and OH MY GOD, there was this good lookin' lady attending one of the counters. Usually I'd just stared her, and that's all but, I had the guts to go right to her counter, talk to her and introduce myself. She happened to be in the same college I am, and well... I'd like to say the rest is history but unfortunately I couldn't!
This year, just got some pretty cool gifts. I'm not much a "material centered" person, but I must say that 'cause of thes particular gifts, I've got more ways to do my stuff, whereas it is my art (of making music, and writing as well), and powerful devices to experience what I always wanted as a kid, to play some top video games in a row... I know it sounds childish, yeah it is! I'm talking 'bout my 12 strings Takamine guitar, which was a gift from my mother, and my Toshiba laptop, customized to be a game machine :). Yes, there's a kid inside this man ;)
Last year I proved myself some things, that I have guts and I could do things while I really focus into doing so... and that I have some serious inner problems too, but anyway, among the good and the bad things, 2009 is history.
All I could say now, is welcome 2010. It's time to enjoy the ride.
